This past doctors appointment brought me to tears. Twice.
The nurse called me back after waiting in the waiting area for nearly 45 minutes. The doctors office is extremely busy these days! The routine began... weight (still managing to stay within 1 pound of when I found out I was pregnant) blood pressure, and pain? etc. And then she tells me that she is going to check for the heartbeat with the doppler. Gasp. The moment I've been waiting for! She proceeds to tell me the same speech doc had given me the week before... 'You are still fairly early in this pregnancy so please do not be alarmed if we are unable to hear anything.'
She applies the blue gel and rubs the wand around a little bit before turning the speaker on... And then....
When she turns the switch on the speaker the thumpity thump thump of a little heart beat INSTANTLY filled the room. Her eyes grew wide and she smiled at me, as tears filled my eyes. "I couldn't do that again if I tried!" she exclaimed. "That just made my day. I was having a bad day up until this point, now I feel much better." I told her that she had just made my week...and that I had been worried all week about this very moment. Then we just sat there in awe of the wonderful sound. It took about a minute for the doppler to record the rate of the heartbeat... a very strong 160!
The sweetest sound I had heard in over a year.
Then I was left alone in my giddiness until the doctor joined me 20 minutes or so later. I decided it would be a good time to try to finish up my book... Heaven is for Real. Which made me cry, again. I was near the end of the book, and if you have read it, I will just say that I read the part about the babysitters experience, and the tears started flowing. If you haven't read the book... I highly recommend it!
I heard a knock at the door and in walks a doctor that I have never met. Her name is Dr. Stilson, and she happens to be the wife of MY doctor S. Nothing against the woman, but I think I was uneasy from the get go. When I had scheduled this appointment the receptionist had informed me that they were trying to rotate patients through the doctors to try to ease up Dr. S's load a bit, but I guess I had forgotten. As a baby loss mom who is terrified of being pregnant again.... it is not a good idea to introduce a new doctor, just saying. She shakes my hand and has a seat. And proceeds to ask me all the standard questions that a doctor would ask a new patient. Then she asks me how many pregnancies this makes for me... 3. Any problems with the previous 2? (SERIOUSLY!! The answer to that question is not in my fucking file right in front of your fucking face?!) Gulp. Yes. My last pregnancy ended in stillbirth. OH. How far along? Almost 22 weeks. Do you know the cause? Ummm... I had a subchorionic hemmorhage. Started bleeding around week 12 and then I stopped feeling him move just past 21 weeks, he had no heart beat. I'm sorry. The 'interview' continued for about 15 minutes, and she explained that I would be going to a larger hospital @18-20 weeks for a level 2 ultrasound, at which point I asked her if I would have an ultrasound between now and then... her response was it was not routine. I was bummed. For some reason I was under the impression that I would be having a lot more ultrasounds with this pregnancy than with my other 2. She told me that if it would make me feel better that I could be seen once a week in the office to help ease my mind. At this point, I think that is a little excessive and agreed to every other week... when leaving, the receptionist scheduled my appointment for 2 weeks from the day, I quickly asked if THAT appointment would be with Dr S. NO... it will be with Dr. Stilson. I 'politely' explained to her that I had just had my first appointment with Stilson and that I personally feel more comfortable with Dr. S. No offense to anyone, but I do not wish to be seen by anyone else. She changed my appointment:) And I have high hopes that when I see Dr. S next week, he will feel the need to get an inside look... fingers crossed.
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