Holy cow!! I can't believe that in less than 7 weeks, our little boy will be in my arms, and nestled up in my chest, next to my heart. I can picture it...just having a hard time believing that it will actually happen. I am terrified of the oh so realistic possibilities.
That being said. The nursery is still not put together. I think Daddy is dragging his feet because he doesn't believe it's actually going to happen either? On the plus side...my momma and my niece did get the room painted, and it looks wonderful:) But that is the extent of the preparedness of his room. In the upstairs hallway, I have bags and bags of baby clothes that are piled up in the corner, waiting to be washed, and waiting to have a place to 'belong'... like a dresser...that would be nice. We have yet to buy the first diaper.
Cutest thing ever...my 14 and 16 year old nieces have decided to throw a baby shower in little man's honor:) So sweet of them to do! I am excited, but at the same time, secretly worried that people may not want to come, as this is my third pregnancy, and we all know where the second one ended up.
I guess I am feeling a bit down, and defeated as Daddy does not seem to be excited or hopeful or optimistic or quite frankly even give 2 shits about what might be going on in my head. When I was pregnant for our little girl...he came to every single OB appointment, every single ultrasound, and was by my side every step of the way. With Sebastion, he made it to all the appointments that he could, when he wasn't working...he was still excited and asked questions when he would miss out on appointments. And when Sebastion died...he was right there crying along with me...every step of the way. Now I know everyone grieves in different ways, but honestly, about a month after we lost him...Our 'closeness' changed. For the past year, if I should happen to be feeling down and missing our son when others are around I get a sigh of exasperation and an eye roll....get over it already. Not really something you want to hear coming from the other parent of said dead child. Just makes my heart break even more. And now as I am typing this, I feel bad, not only for Sebastion, or myself, but for Daddy as well. I wish we could all go back to our 'normal' unsuspecting/ care-lives...but we can't! And now I have gotten side tracked. This time around, with our second son... Daddy has made it to 3 out of 7 ultrasounds...and MAYBE one OB visit? I'm having a hard time remembering if he actually came to one early in the pregnancy or not. So I will give him credit for ONE. One of far more many that I had with the previous 2 pregancies combined. Now, I could understand if he was working during said appointments, but that is not the case...for most of them he chose to stay home and play video games, while I went alone. And this point, I'm just used to it. Now I have bi-weekly NSTs that I will be doing ALONE, and weekly OB visits...alone. Starting to worry that most of raising this child will be spent the same way....alone. Hopefully it is just a phase, and someday the love will be rekindled and we shall be one big happy family again...for this I pray. And now I've upset myself, and am typing through the tears...I must stop.