20 + weeks...

We have officially made it to the half way point (and beyond)!!
I am so incredibly thankful that, so far, everything with our little man seems to be going well.  We had a level 2 ultrasound last week, and had a consult with a high risk specialist who stated that he thought everything was going well, and as sad as it is to say, or think about, is convinced that what happened with Sebastion was merely a random, unfortunate event.  Not the fist, sure it won't be the last, time I have heard this.  As my OB put it so blatantly, lightning doesn't strike twice, and that is the way he views what happened.
According to the little man's measurements, he is growing well... a week ahead actually, and in the 97%.  He was EXTREMELY active during the scan, and it was hard to get clear photos...but incredible to watching him bouncing around on the big screen:)

Perfect Profile.

Showing us how he can touch his nose, with his knee.

The little feet that I love to feel kicking me.

 Liliana joined us for the ultrasound... the first moment that she actually caught on to why mommy's belly was getting bigger.  She is super excited to be a big sister...again.  Only this time... she say's she is getting a new baby brother that she can cuddle with and snuggle, since her other brother is in heaven.  I pray she is right.   She has even started kissing my belly goodnight.

On friday I had a panic attack.  For those of you who may not know, when Sebastion passed away, we made the decision to have him cremated and buried his ashes in an urn.  We also chose to seperate some of the ashes out and have them places in cremation jewelry for both mommy and daddy to keep close to their hearts.

The moon on the right holds Sebastion's ashes.  The angel on the left was gift from his daddy, and the tree in the middle a gift from his Nana.

The only time I remove it is to take a shower.  Well...I did just that on Friday, but when I went to put the necklace back on... my moon had vanished!  I instantly started crying.  BAWLING!  I was crawling around on my hands and knees in search of my son's precious ashes all the while thinking of how I had failed him as a mother.  In the mean time, my adorable 3 year old daughter was hugging me, telling me that everything was going to be ok.  'things get lost all the time momma!  It will be all right"  The first true sign of empathy I had seen from her.  She was quite consoling, although, I wasn't having it.  She even went as far as to tell me that if I didn't stop crying, I would make her cry.  God love her.  After nearly an hour of crying, searching and sobbing... I spotted the moon behind the toilet.  And my necklace is complete once again.  Lesson learned.... never take it off!  Even to shower.

As we move ahead into the next week, my nerves are high.  Higher than normal.  Monday will be 21 weeks, 3 days... the day in our pregnancy that Sebastion's heart stopped beating.  I am so nervous, anxious, and fearful as the 'milestone' approaches.  Yet at the same time, loving every single kick, nudge, and flip that I feel throughout the day, and night.
So that being said...please keep us in your thoughts.